Collecting ideas about getting older
a birthday
There’s nothing like a birthday to bring about philosophical thoughts. Or at least, that’s what happens for me.
Having reached reached middle age, or the Middle Years (sounds better) and having lost a number of people I love, I have found myself approaching birthdays with more relief than dread.
[Trigger warning: this post contains references to suicide.]
Many years ago, in a previous job in healthcare, I met a lot of wonderful people in their eighties and nineties. Most of them had serious and life-altering illnesses which caused a large degree of physical impairment. A comment that I often heard during a nice chat with them was “Don’t get old, dear”. It was always said in half jest with a wry smile, and although I understood exactly what they meant, I still couldn’t help thinking to myself that the alternative to getting old is dying young. And therefore surely growing older is a privilege? One denied to many.
I know it’s never as simple as that and it brings up lots of other discussions about quality of life. Also, I didn’t always feel this way about getting older. But now I’m approaching it differently for two reasons:
1) Young friends who I have lost to life-stripping disease would have given anything to turn a year older.
2) There have been many times during the past three decades when I didn’t want to be here and I made plans and attempts to end my life. I am now glad that I received the right medical treatment in time. Admittedly, I didn’t feel glad then, I was angry that my plans had been be taken out of my hands - that medics had dared to stop me ending the pain I was feeling. But now, several years of therapy and various interventions later, I feel fortunate that I am still here. And although this wasn’t always the case, I now feel grateful to have reached another birthday.
What I’ve come to realise is that growing older is a privilege denied to many. And also, access to the right healthcare services is a privilege denied to many, too; even though it shouldn’t be.
I’ve written a poem about the experiences I mention above, because sometimes it’s easier to talk about it less directly.
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